LOST ENTRY: LoZ: Minish Cap , Bigish Sucking ?

Yes, before we go on. The title is incredible witty, thank you.

This game is just like any other Zelda game with minor difference, ( insert obviously answer using word 'suck' ) There are so many things wrong I can possibly list them all, so instead I'm just going to list the ones I remember at the moment.

DUDE, Kinstones! ... It's a jagged broken half of a horrible idea.

Seriously, Seriously...Seriously. If you were JPL you know that I hate these things because I sent you an IM every 52 seconds saying how much they suck. Obviously games are all about the extras now; they're cool, adds some life to the game, lil' bit of spice slash flavor to the game. Why would you lock away all the good stuff using the worst system know to man?

What is a Kinstone? Its this little half a medallion thing you have to run around the world and combine with people, animals, walls( ??? yes, walls ) who have the other halves, to unlock secret stuff like heart containers, rupees, shells, you know extra stuff. Why is it so bad? Because you have to go around the world and find these people and combine a half a medallion with them to unlock extra stuff!

More specific reasons they suck:

a. You might be able to fuse a kinstone with anyone! This leads to you running around forever finding a person in a little cubby, that you never knew existed, and be like "dude, fuse?" and he is like "nope, try the other guy on the other side earth in an equally hidden area." But he doesn't actually say that, you must merely assume that. Or even worse he does want to fuse with you, but you get this, "Oh, man...oh man, I'm sorry I need the green half with the little like rounded-off jaggy not the one with the traditional-crack-chasm jaggy. Tough break, man...tough. I know it took like 5 hours to make it back here... yeah...tough. Really, sorry about that."

b. The extra stuff can never be close! So you find these things, fuse with them, then secret chest or area is unlocked. But its not like right there, its like in no-wheres-ville blocked off by a bush you can't cut down yet, or its a place you were just at and you are all like "NOOOOOooo, F. I ain't going back!" OHH man, the best is when you are like "Ok, ok...I'll go there and get it." AND ITS A GOD DAMN KINSTONE HALF!!!!! OHHH! /table flip! ... Its like paying a million dollars for a treasure map, it taking you 4 years to dig up the treasure and the only thing inside is ...you're boned.

c. Kinstone fusions are apparently triggered! So you scoured every inch of the fictional world finding ( hopefully finding ) everyone who wants to stick stones together. Gay. But back to the point, you aren't DONE. When you fuse kinstone with someone there is a chance that unlocks a potential fusion with another person, a person YOU'VE ALREADY FUSED WITH!!! As well as every time you beat a major dungeon the people feel like the fuse. So these repeated combing of every living being happens a lot. A LOT.

DUDE. Locked away areas! ... Do I like going to work everyday, why would I enjoy the lower left quadrant of the map anymore?

Its Zelda; in each major dungeon you get a new item. In Minish cap they make each item not only have a functionality but it allows a different kind of mobility or gives you access to previous locked down area. Sounds cool, its not. Basically after every item you get you must travel over every square-inch of the map, finding the multitude of hidden craps all over the map. Nothing is as good as climbing the same mountain like the 400 time because there is a dude over a hole in the ground, that might possibly be the guy to unlock the next dungeon instead of being another dude you'll only have to visit him a 100 times to see if he wants to fuse stones, wait...EVERY person is a person you have to fuse stones with!

DUDE. I live in the menu ...

Like 80% of the game is spent switching items to do time consuming tasks. Yet at the same time so many of the items were completely useless. Near end of the game all the NPCs are like, "You have many things available to you do not forgot about them, they may come in handy!" but really they should say, "Did you remember Gust Jar?"

Gust Jar is the item you get in the very first dungeon in the game. Its a horribly HORRIBLY cumbersome item that requires charging and you can't move around with it... it basically sucks( I didn't mean that like a pun, I only caught it when i re-read it. Forgive me. ) But these people apparently have a love affair with it because its used to solve like all your problems. It suffers from what I like to call "hexagon crank syndrome". For those of you who can't figure out what that is, I recommend you play Resident Evil 1. In RE1 I can only assume that the people designing the batman-esque fun house slash covert-lair mansion got lazy near the end, and decided to use a single hexagon crank for a lot of their projects. Which doesn't make sense. For as much as this crank does, seems like it would have to be standard issue, like every Umbrella scientist just had that jazz on their key chains, "Better not forget my crank, won't be able to get my flamethrower without it...or get into my car."



DUDE game ...

a. You're too easy.

Nothing really to say about this. You get about 8 trillion hearts in this game, and like each thing even bosses when you get hit, take off like 23rd of a heart container. I literally just walked through this game trying to get hit like a car trying to run down a squirrel.

The puzzles. THE PUZZLES? What puzzles? It would be an insult to puzzles to call what is in this game a puzzle. Since the answer is always obvious, "What is the most time consuming, pain in the ass thing I can do here most likely involving gust jar?" SOLVED.

b. Shrinking? You're gimmick sucks.

The shrinking was AWFUL. It served no point but to just add another dimension of suck, and added even more tedium to searching out kinstone fusions and finding these chests they love to put in shrunken areas. JPM put it best when he said "The 'Honey I Shrunk the Kids' got old fast." Plus man, if you have to shrink like a billion times don't make it take like a year to transform.

c. I think you broke my R trigger..

ROLLING OMG! Just make Link run faster!

d. Hey, I'm going to punch you.

I spent all this time fusing kinstones running around Hyrule like I liked it...because I did, until I found out ... you are a whore. DO NOT PUT CONTENT IN THE GAME YOU CAN MISS FOREVER!!!!!! I beat the 4th temple to discover that I could never save this ailing old man and retrieve the Light Arrows. COME ON, Light Arrows you know I want those...why do you got to be like that!? This lead me to beat you the next day ... with punches. You are very small and hard and I think it hurt me more than you.

Anything I liked?

I actually did enjoy the game, I probably would have enjoyed it more if I hadn't obsessed with the extras and I had played it purely for the game. I might replay you one day, when I've healed .. but for now, it hurts to much.

Mockingdale moments?

THE BEAN !!!!!!!! THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEE BEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!