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Tuesday is now:

Many of you may wonder why Tuesday with DOOMLIFF comes on a Thursday, this is because DOOMLIFF cares not for your Julian calendar, Tuesday is when DOOMLIFF says it is. All who protest will weep their lamentations in the oubliettes of DOOMLIFF. Either that or DOOMLIFF was busy at work and just didn’t get a chance to finish it until now. KNEEL BEFORE DOOMLIFF.

Correction:

DOOMLIFF’S people say JPL does not have a “Tiger Beat” poster of McDreamy from Grey’s Anatomy, instead he has a “Teen Bop” poster of McDreamy, his “Tiger Beat” poster is of Home Improvement’s Jonathan Taylor Thomas. DOOMLIFF assures the reading public this will not happen again, with an oath sworn upon the broken spirits of his advisors.

Contra:

DOOMLIFF was talking to Mockingdale today about Battletoads, and Mockingdale’s strident belief that DOOMLIFF lies about beating it. DOOMLIFF is no liar, but that is a discussion for another time. DOOMLIFF, while reminiscing about Battletoads DOOMLIFF stumbled across an article of the “10 toughest games to beat”. Battletaods was #8 on the list, but what was #1 blew my mind. Contra. Mother fucking Contra. The article says “Contra is virtually impossible to beat without entering the Konami code -- and even then, there's a good chance Mad Dog and Scorpion won't make it to their showdown with Red Falcon.” What. The. Fuck. Contra was the game young DOOMLIFF and friends would grab when they wanted to beat something quickly. If you couldn’t beat Contra with 30+ lives you don’t deserve to be reading this, DOOMLIFF commands you to leave this page and never return. Seriously Contra is one of the easiest to beat games of all times, I do not know a single person who has played it and not beaten it. DOOMLIFF fired up a copy upon returning to the Doomcave, and was not impressed with its difficulty, DOOMLIFF weeps for all who found it the #1 hardest game to beat of all time. DOOMLIFF has a theory that perhaps the younger gamer generation are all pussies who can only bunny hop around in FPS games and are unable to play an old school scroller, either that or the authors of the article are mentally handicapped to such a degree that DOOMLIFF demands they be locked up for being a danger to both themselves and others.

The week that was:

DOOMLIFF’S assault on the written word continues, the A has begun to fall before him, and the B will soon follow. It is only a matter of time before all of the alphabet will kneel before the might and glory of DOOMLIFF. DOOMLIFF went to El Chapala last night and got some mole which was, as always, excellent. Why more Mexican restaurants can not manage to make a serviceable mole DOOMLIFF does not understand, but when he takes over the world, he will make Chapala’s cooks ministers in charge of good fucking mole, spreading its awesomeness throughout the land.

Closeing Statment:

Return next week when DOOMLIFF discusses more things that will entertain and fascinate you, unless you can’t beat Contra, because seriously, if you can’t beat Contra you are dead to DOOMLIFF.